Women project and personify an interesting
design of genomes, differing in great respects from men. And what drives us to
act like a frenzied chicken with its head cut-off? Those gross generalizations
that are very shamelessly wrapped like candy-cane twisters, into disgusting
one-liners, that have become the “oh-so-common” catch-phrases for
irritating a girl, to the point of ennui and disgust. So, here are 15
things that most of the girls in India, are tired of hearing:
1) “Are you acquainted with the traditional art of culinary appeasement,
that generally involves you to prepare a lavish cuisine for your husband (and
his famiy), and sit at the wrong end of the table, to just heave some <sighs
and ughs>, as they gorge on all the good stuff, like gluttons?” No? NO? Oh,
well!
2) “You are DARK.. Like so much so, you’re giving the brazen ol’ dark
Spaniards a competition”. Well, I’m sure that’s how the eternal abyss looks
like.WHEN YOU ARE DEAD....DARK. PITCH DARK. Am I the only one here to have
successfully spotted a judgmental prick?
3) “I hope you find a suitable match and settle down pretty Soon”.
Okay, this one is pretty harmless, yeah. Except if you are still a
teenager, or in the first year of college, with BIG dreams and what not, and
happen to run into a couple who may well have set the benchmark for the perfect
pre-millennial Neanderthals, exchanging the nuptials Well, cut it out now. 21st
century is here!
4) “When are you planning on starting a family?”
Oh...Hi, do you hail from a family where it’s OKAY to be a
phony-baloney and just poke your noses into other peoples’ businesses? Just so
we are clear, GET A LIFE, OKAY?
5) “Oh...You are mad at me? You are mad at me? No, seriously? Mad? At me?
Okay, no issues, hun. We’ll talk after a week. I’m sure THAT hurts.”
Hey, you... WHOSOEVER you are.. Could you just stop attributing my
legitimate feelings of sadness, or anger, or unexplained happiness to MENSES?
LIKE STAHP ALREADY !
6) “ Your favorite boy-band? I got this. ONE DIRECTION”
*Screams hysterically* *laughs derisively*. Okay, THIS is your cue.
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. I mean, what about the Jake Buggs and the Matt Healeys and
the Dustin O’ Hollorans of the world?
7) “I saw you parking your car at 2 last night, beta.. Did the family go
all zoom zoom zoom...? *feindish laughter*
“Actually, NO. Bhai was all slashed and was out on the tiles last
night, and I went there to pick him up. And, I sincerely hope you get over this
crippling disease called Insomnia and the erroneous peeping-tom syndrome!
8) “ Hey, you are late. I assume you were getting ready. Oh, you girls”.
Nuh-uh! I pulled an all-nighter for this superlatively amazing pool
match yesterday night, and as for you,assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.You
fit nowhere in my schedule.
9) “Don’t be late. It’s not too safe out there for girls at night”.
Sure Sure. But, how about letting the girls take things in their own hands,
because SOME unwanted social applesauces of our country are downright worm-headed,
contemptible, spineless, coward custards, with no discernment for right or
wrong.
10) “Don’t drink. You’d have to eventually get married”.
OKAY ,CITIZENS OF NONSENSEVILLE, EXPLAIN. I mean, how difficult is it for
you imagine me sipping wine with my husband, and making fun of all the hot
babes in the world? I’m sure I wouldn't be any less vitriolic, if there were no
alcohol in my system!
11) “Hugging your guy-friends is okay, beta.. Lekin, could it be that your
bodies don’t touch each others’?
Ever heard of a Catch-22 situation? Yeah, These parents have neither! It’s
like passing through the furnace and getting caught in the machinery!
12) I really think you should change your whatsapp/facebook DP to a
cat/dog/celebrity/car/an effing building...?!
Hey, but why? Because it’s not safe, you know..Yeah yeah.. I KNOW! But, i
won’t change it. WHY? WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY! In case you didn't
know, people hired to fight cyber crime are APPROACHABLE and helpful, lest
there be any trouble.*BOT SHAKE*
13) “ You did not get your arms waxed? OH MY GOD!” No, actually.. I didn't
get the rest of my body waxed either. Problem?
14) “I just got a new car. AND YOU DO NOT GET TO SIT BEHIND THE WHEEL, LI’L
SISTER.”
If that doesn’t sound familiar, then you are either that shirty older
brother OR you don’t have an elder brother at all. It’s algid to think of girls
as bad drivers, not when you have these same women showcasing them at the
auto-expos! GUYS!
15) “I’m sure our gudiya is studying to be an empathetic DOCTOR.”
Okay, WE NEED TO TALK. Not all gudiyas study to nurse others’
wounds. Some of us actually, really, truly, are interested in inflicting a
wound or two on our opponents, like boxing or what. GO MARY KOM. YOOHOO!!
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